There is no rude language here, so I did not conceal it.
WARNING!!! This is sexually graphic.
Please read and answer the question at the end.
<<< Jim pauses in his latest endeavor and frowns. After a moments
contemplation, he saves his work and firmly closes his new fantasy G4
titanium PowerBook. After a meditative sip of his drink, he addresses
those around him.
"There are some literary subjects that have become total clichе and
attempting to describe an erect penis is one.
"I am writing a sex scene and my hero is now crossing the room while
fully erect. So, basically, his stiff dick is bobbing like a demented
conductors baton as he crosses the room ... however, one cannot simply
write, 'He crossed the room, his stiff dick bobbing like ... ' and so
forth. Well, one could if one was writing that sort of scene (and one was
half plastered), but this one cannot.
"To write anything referring to his 'turgid manhood' is also somewhat
tacky. Hell, just the term 'manhood' to describe the penis strikes me as
idiotic. A dick is no more one's 'manhood' than a hymen is one's
'maidenhood.' 'He strutted across the bedroom, his hard manhood pointing
the way' sounds somewhat he owns a badly named seeing-eye dog. 'Sit, Hard
Manhood ... good boy.'
"Just describing the state of erection is tough. It is a simple matter of
erectile flesh and hydraulics, but damnably difficult to put into terms
romantic. 'His penis, reacting to his viewing her naked flesh, achieved
satisfactory erection, proving good vascular response and
socio/psychological adjustment." Oh, yeah ... baby, baby.
"Terms like 'throbbing,' 'pulsing' and all other variations of this
nature make it sound as if the silly thing had a blood pressure cuff
wrapped around it. 'His fleshy organ quickly surged into full alertness,
throbbing and pulsing and otherwise scaring the **** out of him.' When I
envision something throbbing, I imagine an action somewhat akin to a
bullfrogs throat sack as it croaks. THROB! Frankly, with this in mind, if
my dick ever took to throbbing, I'd call a doctor. Matter of fact, I
would think that any woman, faced with an actively throbbing and pulsing
penis, would be somewhat concerned as well. (I don't know this for a
fact, though ... Dian says that in certain situations, the sight is
somewhat excited, but the first time she experienced this situation, she
looked for a stick to kill it with.)
"And then there is the matter of size, shape, color and texture. Well,
he's the hero ... I suppose it should be heroic, but somewhat shy of
practical joke size. Shape, now, there's another difficulty ... as well
as color and texture. Hell, let's face it ... a dick is a fairly funny
looking, if not downright ugly, piece of equipment. Veins, bumps, ridges
and all that; a color that never matches the sheets, much less the
surrounding flesh (or any flesh, for that matter); an overall look of a
plum precariously balanced on a badly whittled rod. Let's not even
mention it and simply stick to the concept of a literary description of
my hero approaching the heroine.
"Okay, he's naked and fully aroused ... does he stride? Stalk? Strut?
Strikes me as a situation that calls for something more than 'walk,' but
something less than 'bound.' I could have the silly sod moonwalk across
the floor, but the resulting mental image ... damn, too late! Oh, well ..
another round of therapy. And what does the erect penis actually do while
he crosses the floor? Does it bounce against his belly, producing it's
own applause? Does it wave about in some sort of vague response to his
stride? Would it be feasible if I simply had him hang a towel from the
damn thing and skip the entire description?
"And what about the heroine? She is languidly reclining on the bed...and
doing her level best to not bust a gut laughing, I suspect. Should she
stare? Gasp? Giggle? Ogle? Chant 'boingy, boingy, boingy' as he
approaches or whistle the 'Elephant Walk' in time to the swaying? This is
suppose to be a moment of strong passion and deep emotions ... but a
bouncing, throbbing, column of manhood slowly moonwalking forward ...
damn, gotta stop that image ... strutting towards her cannot be what
every woman dreams of in her fevered imagination. I want this scene to be
equally stirring to both men and women, but fear that this is
Sailor Jim stares into the fire for a moment, then opens his PowerBook
once more. "Screw it ... or, rather, let's not. I'll simply segue from
her starting to slip out of her clothes to the morning after. Y'know, the
standard story cop-out. Thanks for letting me talk this one
through." author unknown >>>
So, how would you write this scene?
President Smoky Mountain Romance Writers Knoxville, TN
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